Your Child’s First Bad Grades in Middle School: Do’s and Don’ts
By: Wendy Wisner of Your Teen Mag
My son recently received his first B. Not a big deal, right? But he’s an over-achieving, perfectionist new middle schooler, and good grades have always come easily for him. Until now.
To say he’s disappointed is an understatement. He’s 12, so every emotion he feels is … well, D-R-A-M-A-T-I-C. I’m doing my best to help him process his emotions and come up with a plan to reach out for help.
It turns out middle school is a common time for students’ grades to take a little dip. There’s so much going on — academically, socially, and emotionally. So, what’s a parent to do?
Process The Disappointment
To figure this out, I reached out to Phyllis Fagell, school counselor, therapist, and author of Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond.
First, Fagell assures me that the intensity of my son’s emotions are perfectly normal. (Phew!)
“When kids make the transition to middle school, one of the challenges they’re faced with is new academic pressures,” says Fagell. “Developmentally, they are unaware of their shortcomings. They don’t have much experience dealing with letdowns. It feels like the stakes are very high, even when they aren’t.”
As a parent, your top job is to validate your child’s feelings, Fagell emphasizes. You can say something like, “If I was disappointed in my grade, I would be upset too.” You can also relay past experiences where you didn’t succeed in the way you’d hoped. The idea is to put this whole experience into perspective — something they don’t yet have at this tender age.